Living, more like surviving a year in the apartment of Ward 1 Councilmember Jim Graham.
It’s been almost a year since I decided to move out of Jim Graham’s apartment. Jim Graham and I met at a reception for a D.C. based nonprofit that works assisting alcoholics and homeless people. I wanted to interview him for this blog. He seemed very pleasant and I was honored to met him. What I knew of him were only good things. We met again later on that night.
Sometimes I think D.C. has the authorities it deserves: corruption and greediness are covered up with a public image of fake charity and public service that is intended to get votes, but not to solve the main problems of this city.
In those days, I was practically homeless, renting rooms month after month. A friend recommended me to request housing assistance at La Clinica del Pueblo. For years I rejected the idea of using any kind of social services, I wasn't raised that way. After my paper work went through and I moved to a new place, my application was strangely rejected by an unskilled employee of La Clinica.
So I was again on the
streets, but quickly I moved to a temporary place. This time I found a room in a house in upper Northwest, owned by a Salvadoran woman who rented a single family home to 14 people (!), also immigrants like me. It was one of those places you find advertised at bus stops, it was terrible.
Weeks later, Jim offered his assistance by asking
his friend to let me stay at his apartment. It was a relief for me, but I was depressed and unemployed. After a few months of hanging out,
we agreed that I could move into his place, under his rules. We were friends, never more than that. One of us tried to engage into a more serious relationship but I was
honest with him.
Those days were
nice but confusing as well. From being on the streets to be part of this Councilmember’s life meant an
exciting change, but also it was very
delusional. I wasn’t aware of many things, until a friend told me that in the eyes of many, I was Jim Graham’s new companion. There were plenty of
differences between us, and it was not really what I had expected.
After I was clear about my feelings, things
changed in his behavior, from “I will give you the world” uncalled promises to an almost daily situation of verbal abuse. He set new rules in his home, which he forced me sign into a little piece of paper, nothing big but a bit humiliating.
I became his dog’s walker -I miss Guapo-, his translator, his photo editor, his house boy.
Living with Jim Graham was really
stressful, he would force me to do things in his way, to live under his schedule and do the things he likes, including going out with him to boring receptions while wearing his ex boyfriend's clothes, acting like life was perfect, trying to
overlook the racism of this city, so segregated and pretentious.
I was supposed to write this post a year ago, when I was really
angry. Today I’m still angry, but time has helped with healing and also to accept my own responsibilities. I want to
be fair in regards of my experience befriending Graham. Actually I was waiting for the D.C. elections to be
over, so this didn’t seem like an attack with electoral purposes.
In recent days
I read about the
robocalls against Graham, and his attacks on his opponents, I heard comments from people on how Graham is asking business owners for money donations, and I read about the return of Ted Loza trying to
intimidate business owners in Ward 1.
So I feel that I need to
speak my mind. There are many people who are afraid to say what I'm writing here. Thinking about my experience living with Graham makes me upset, but the last line of the WCP article
convinced me “this is not El Salvador in the ’80s. You can support [whichever] candidate you want.” I have no power on fighting against Graham, but I want to believe I'm free to speak.
The D.C.
Primary Elections are next Tuesday. The debate is getting heated and it seems that our city will elect a new Mayor, and many think that Graham will be reelected. This post is not a way to
attack Graham days before this decisive vote. Not at all, I do not
endorse or support any candidate.
However I'm against abuse, especially political abuse and corruption. When
I interviewed Ward 1 candidate Jeff Smith last May, I received several phone calls and text messages from
Ted Loza, first asking me to edit the post -I wrote that a long period of time in government usually leads to corruption. Later on he called
to demand that I delete the video in which Smith mentioned the FBI scandal in Graham’s office.
Let me clearify that I had never met Smith before that day, that I saw Graham in the same event but he kept on walking. Loza implied that I was
ungrateful and I was betraying a ‘dear friend’. That video is still posted in this blog.
Many
contrasting moments I endured with Graham, living with him had its ups and downs. From being invited to the Presidential inauguration to being almost forced to do things against my will. He opened the doors of his life to me so I won’t disclosure more details of his privacy, but I will express my outrage because I
need to.
Being an
immigrant and a
gay man with health issues and no family support, led me to situations where I allowed
abuse by other rich and powerful gay men (White and Black). This has been the pattern of
my life in this city. Still, I was always seeing as the
bad guy by those who saw this, as the one trying to take advantage of the situations.
So, this is more like a catharsis for me, a way to let go, a public
protest against the pain I went through while I lived with Jim Graham. Several times I slept in The Ontario’s building basement, after he
locked me out of his apartments in cold winter nights, just because I didn’t arrive on the time he set. Once he pushed me and yelled at me saying I wanted to burn his apartment down.
For many, Jim Graham is a
good man but they ignore that he has a really bad side. Before I met him in person, I had the best concept of him. He was someone I would
look up to learn, a true leader, a brave man who overcame a lot in his life. I especially liked him being an
openly gay politician, elected in times when it wasn’t that easy to be out.
I thought of him as someone I could only admire, especially for his work at Whitman Walker clinic. What I really admire today is his
intelligence, his taste for art, human history and cultures. We would have long talks about different topics, and I enjoyed that a lot.
With Jim I also learned that
politics will bring you power and a fantasy life, while getting the
worst of a human being. The fight for political gain and power will either
destroy your life or will make you a cynical person. You have be
someone else in front of people in order to survive. When he walks around people, he has a way to make them embrace him.
I’m not in the position to judge anyone. I have my own sins and faults to deal with, but also I’m not the person Graham accused me of being. He said everyone in town knew
bad things about me, he implied that I don’t
belong here and I need to return to my first country, he said that I was the luckiest person in the world because he let me stay with him. Not really.
My stay with Jim Graham allowed me to see that
behind the politician there is a lonely and bitter man, who has been
betrayed in life and who has learned to betray. Someone who doesn’t trust many, who smiles to his enemies, while pretending to be
in charge in order to content his constituents. It works for him up to some point, but it’s poisoning his soul.
The good man I thought I had met,
was not. Jim Graham is not a public servant anymore, I don’t think he doesn’t even like
this city and its people. To me, he is an egocentric politician
obsessed with his career, with money, and power. He knows how to please those who elect him, and to intimidate those who oppose him.
Politics is
the life of Jim Graham, but his work has caused for him to lose a part of his humanity, he seems
blinded by ambition, hatred and revenge. He needs to be in control of people, he
surrounds himself with dependant and mediocre people, so he can use, control, manipulate and abuse them – and discard them when he feels like it.
So why am I writing this? This is not about revenge, that’s not me. I’m not going to find peace by creating more anger and frustration. But I can't
remain silent about a man who manipulates people, certainly gets their votes with
favors and shuts everyone who opposes him with his
influences in the political world of Washington, DC. Besides, I’m a blogger, this is the city where I lived the longest and this place
changed my life, so I do write about it.
A part of me is thankful for the things Jim Graham offered and provided for me, the experiences I lived and the things I learned from him, the arty places we went, the people I met. Part of me
admires his strength and discipline to keep working at his age, and with so many enemies waiting for him to fall. So no, I wish him
no harm, but the contrary. I believe he deserves to find himself, he needs to
clean his soul and learn to enjoy what he has accomplished in life.
Another part of me is truly hurt, by his arrogance and sometimes even racist approach towards me, to my life and the
reasons why I struggle so much in a daily basis. Part of me is disgusted at his corrupted ways to
manipulate people in order to get what he wants. Like the time when he made this old Black man to run for ANC commissioner, Herb Price was his name I think, the guy could hardly speak about the issues in the community, he had no idea and he lost.
At first, Graham
expelled me from his apartment, which was wrong considering that I had no place to stay. It was one of several times he ordered The Ontario's receptionist not to let me in. Days later I found a room and returned to get my belongings, but he
asked me to move back in his apartment. He knew how to make me feel that I couldn't survive
without his support.
The next day he was again the
abusive man, gross and mentally disturbing. When he left for work in the morning, I walked away from his place, for good.
Jim Graham will always be his own man, someone who is
good at the things he does, including providing for those who
obey him without questions, or destroying those who are in his way or who refuse to kiss his behind. I want to believe that I survived his paranoia and bitterness. But I wonder if he would survive
himself and another term in government, I wonder if he will be able to resist the lifestyle he is hardly keeping up with now.
Perhaps the best favor his constituents can do for Graham is to elect someone else. He should be in some Latin American city
enjoying his retirement, buying antiques and reading books in front of a beach, surrounded by the Brown and Black men he likes so much and who would anything for a couple of dollars, he should be writing his memories, reinventing himself.
Or perhaps I'm all
wrong. Possibly, Jim Graham needs to keep his job because that's what
he loves the most. Maybe if he loses that he has worked so hard to keep, he would lose part of himself -- along with the people who surround him for
convenience. So many smile to him when they really don't like him.
Then again, this is a democracy (is it?) and people should elect freely.
When I left Jim Graham's apartment I was
sick, mentally and spiritually, but no more. I can see now that living with him was an amazing experience that turned into a nightmare. There are people who pretend to be the best in your life, but at the end they are the biggest
threats to your well being.
It’s been a year of an
internal struggle, and more depression. Life has put a lot into my path, good and bad. Months ago I met a good man who is on my side, who treats me with such kindness and respect. This friend of mine is the most
humble person I have met in a long time, and partly because of him I’m still around today.
I wanted to get these upsetting feelings
out of me. When I posted this yesterday, some friends suggested that I
delete it, because they think Graham is a very revengeful person. Last night I went to play sports and I was mistreated by my teammates. My health and age have turned me into a really bad volleyball player. On my way back home, two young men called me “a faggot” in the train.
This morning I woke up and
I thought, that I owe no apology to anyone for being who I am, that no one should face any kind of abuses, and mostly that no matter where I go I will always run into mean spirited people, and that
silence won’t stop that. So I’m posting this again.
.